To My Dearest Mommy

Happy Birthday Mom! Not a lot of people know my mother simply because she lives with a bunch of loud mouth, high strung, domineering Hemstalks. She definitely is a behind the scenes person but in reality she is very witty & hilarious! There are a number of funny experiences that we have shared, most of which she has banned me from writing on here so I will do my best to share a couple of funny stories.





1. My mom was on the phone long distance with a company and I decided to go and sit on her lap to be funny. I was probably 14 years old at the time (definitely didn't fit on my mothers lap very well,) and all of a sudden the chair broke. After the loud crash and the obvious injuries one would think that I would immediately get up so that I could help my aging mother up. As some of you know I have a laughing problem and once I get started there is no stopping. So picture this: My mother and I are on the floor, I am in hysterics, my mother is trying to get up and she is still on the phone with a lady, she is asking me for help and I can't do a thing except double over with laughter. Who knows what the lady on the phone thought but finally my mom asked if she could call her back and she ended up helping herself off of the floor. Good thing the chair doesn't have a soul, it would have been a traumatic experience for it!




2. When I was a child our family would go down to the theme parks in the LA area every other year. Traffic has gotten consistently worse over the years and if anyone has been over the grape vine they know that its not easy driving. One year (and I believe its the last year we went!) my father was driving, the traffic was really bad and he made a few mistakes. My mother gets pretty nervous in vehicles so she finally hit her boiling point and stated, "stop this car right now, I will be taking a bus home." Mind you, we were going across the grape vine, there is no place to stop and there definitely isn't any bus stop nearby so my mother would have walked on the highway and somehow found a bus. Good thing we talked her out of it and made it home safely.




3. My mother has some key phrases that are unforgettable, here are a few of them: "hells bells"/ "say hi to your sister Sadie" (that is the dog that my mother tells us to say hello to) / "Mikila it always makes me nervous when you say everything is going to be alright."/ "I don't talk to anybody after 9 o'clock!"/ "Your a meat head!" / "Numbnut!" / "Ken, stop eating all the food!" / "What is an interception?"/