Does Anybody Know A Mexican?

Since I enjoyed assisting Joel with his tie advertising, I thought that I would do it again out of the kindness of my over worked heart.This is Michael (yes the one that is being restrained in saran wrap.) He is in need of a Mexican named Rosalinda (or at least be willing to change her name to Rosalinda.)

Here is a list of the requirements and qualifications:

1. Needs to be skinny, this is a highly demanding job!

2. Needs to know enough English to understand words & phrases like cucumber sandwich,

walk up to the 7V, 10 hr. massage, rub my feet, find the remote, Dr. Pepper, clip my toe nails,

find my knittin' sticks

3. Be willing to push the lawn mower while I take a nap in my hammock.

4. Do the dishes on my assigned day.

5. Chase the next door neighbor's dog when it tries to poop in the yard or pick it up

if you are too late.

6. Tape the Ru Paul Drag Race show when I am away from home.

7. Find a wife for me that is worth 3 million dollars.

Payment will be a 10 lb bag of rice every week and a few pinto beans.

Let me know if you are interested in filling the position.

Things I've Picked Up in the Last 28 Years

With another year passing by me I decided to pass on what I have learned so far. It hasn't been much but I have managed to survive :) !

1. Don't tell anyone that Dr. Pepper is the nectar of the Gods, they will

only mock you for it!

2. That rainbow shorts are in fashion no matter what decade you are

in ( I wished I had a pair, I would totally wear them!)

3. If you don't love BYU, your father WILL disown you!

4. That I have been pregnant for years now but have never given birth. (What

is the deal? I suffer from cravings, fatigue, irritation from others, swelling, weight

gain and sweating to death!)

5. If LaNell ever asks you to go on a short shopping trip or a brief walk, just say NO!

6. Don't rub people's chest if it happens to be hairy :)

7. If your father calls you on the telephone and says "Coach to Jimmer, "

just pretend like you are a guy that just happens to play for BYU and chose not to

be offended because you weren't born male.

8. Never eat Burger King before you do an endowment session at the Reno temple, yes,

you will get food poisoning and throw up everywhere!

9. Whenever you are sad, depressed, neurotic, upset or about to die

because you are bleeding excessively out

of your vagina get a Haagen Daas, it will cheer you up.

10. Its always better to be a little on the chubbers side, people won't be that rude to

you in fear of getting sat on or being eaten :) ( I have been informed that

I eat little children!)

Come Check Out the Ties

My good friend Joel Robertson is starting a tie business. I've been excited about it ever since he told me that he wanted to do this. For those that don't know Joel, he is a hard worker and has an inventive mind. Sometimes I have to laugh at him because his brain runs at an accelerated rate of 10,000 miles per hour :).

I went by Joel's to take some pictures of his ties. I really like the ties, there is a variety of designs (100 to be exact) and they come in a handy little tot bag. There are matching children and adult ties. Another thing I love about the ties is that they are named. Style names include Tommy, Gordon and my personal favorite, Jimmer. In fact I think I will buy Jimmer and rap him around my own neck! (I am aware that this is morbid & sick!)

Neck Strings is opening May 11th. There will be a kiosk at the University Mall in front of Gear for Guys. The ties are affordable with a promotion that will run the entire week of Father's Day.

There is always a demand for ties. They are great gifts or if you are mad at a boyfriend or husband, they are durable enough to strangle anyone :).

In the words of a devoted customer, " I believe in Joel. "

Good luck Joel!!!