Let Me Tell You About My Lucky Simba Hat!

Look at my vanilla & chocolate boyfriends high fiving it. I'm so clever that I've managed to keep both of them from finding out about each other, good thing to, they work so well together. I'm in such a good mood from BYU win this evening against Air Force that I have decided to blog, ( I thought I had better hurry before something bad happens.

I'll be honest, when BYU lost to New Mexico I started to cry and I was in such a bad mood that I missed Saturday night stake conference. Unless you are a die hard you wouldn't understand but I'm just waiting for those stupid Lobos to show up at the Marriott Center, we'll see who is crying then!

Other good news was that the Packers won the Superbowl. I wasn't very impressed with the commercials this year but I was significantly amused by my mother. I talked her into watching the game with me, she was upset before the game even started when she stated: "why are they showing these fat people on the camera?" Her second quote was, "why do they have to run across the whole field, why can't they just run to the half mark?" I love my mother for the simple reason that she is hilariously ignorant of most sports matters.

Seriously I should get the dummy of the year award and here is why.

1. I was at a staff meeting several weeks ago. When I arrived almost everyone was already there and so I got stuck with a crappy chair that looked like it came out of the civil war era. Knowing that I don't weigh 90 pounds didn't stop me from sitting down in it anyway. In the middle of the meeting I realized that the chair was becoming wobbly and so I tried to move. Once I realize that I'm going to cause a Tsunami in Chico, California I tried to stop myself by putting my hand where the chair folds in. 2 seconds late my sorry self is on the floor and I was in so much pain from my fingering getting jammed I'm surprised that I didn't scream out a few 4 letter words. Everyone looked at me so I decided to laugh and then there was a roaring thunder of laughter from the whole group. Good times.

2. The second thing I did happened this evening when I was talking about Abouo. For those that don't know, Abuou is a basketball player from the Ivory Coast. I don't know if I'm just dyslexic or brain dead because of too many trips to the buffet but I said that Abouo was from the west coast ivory. I'm telling this story now because Michael said he was going to start his own blog and that would be his first story. I don't know why statements like that worry me when I know Michael is far too busy finishing up doing nothing from yesterday to move on by something today :)

Jimmer always puts me in a good mood!!! For Christmas I received what LaNell likes to call a Simba hat. LaNell how could you desecrate Cosmo's good name like that? Its true that my head gets overly hot and it makes me scratch my head but I love it ( I forgot to mention that I look like a complete moron in it.) Furthermore when I wear it I will have everyone know that BYU has never lost. So go ahead and make fun of me LaNell but when I wear that hat I feel that the universe & BYU moves to my command.

As to this recent facebook thread from some stupid girl going to BYU that is sick of hearing about Jimmer a word of warning to whoever she is; if I ever meet up with that used up tampax tampon I'm going give her a good old fashioned swirly and then I'm going to hold her down and tattoo Jimmer # 32 on her forehead so she won't ever forget who the master is!!!

Today Should Be a National Holiday, Jimmer's Day!

I know a lot of you are thinking that I'm ridiculous for wanting to make Jimmer's day a national holiday but I figure that if we can give the Jews Hanukkah and the Negros Martin Luther King Day that I should be able to have a holiday that I can sit back and meditate on the meaning of life & basketball.

I love basketball!!! And I love Jimmer!!! I knew it was going to be a great day today when I woke up at 5:30 am, too excited to fall back asleep. I didn't even drink any Dr. Pepper today, I have been running on pure adrenalin. Jimmer is like my personal supply of cocaine, just can't get enough of him (hopefully the side effects aren't as severe.)

Michael and I decided to have a Jimmer party (really that just means I told Michael I was coming over to watch the game BYU vs Vermont.) I think the only reason he didn't lock the door was to see what kind of fool I was going to make out of myself.

In preparation for the highly anticipated game I constructed a poster with a cardboard handle to raise up over my head every time Jimmer scored. I also felt like I needed to combine the 2 things that I love most: sweets & building shrines to Jimmer. I know that Martha Stewart isn't going to be calling me up to ask for cake decorating tips but in my defense this cake was the first one that I have tried to decorate with special icing tools. In case you didn't know I was trying to paint out the Marriott Center. I enjoyed doing it and better yet the cake was good to eat.

The only way the game could have gotten any better is if Jimmer would have announced that the game was dedicated to me (don't worry he told me already last night on the phone, )and if TJ Fredette would have written a song about me to sing at half time. Last but not least here is my father giving his views on the game today. Don't mind his attire.

What a wonderful day. BYU won, I ate cake and I got to look at my vanilla & chocolate boyfriends all in one shot. Sweet 16 here we come!!

Catching Up With Life

Its difficult being the Devil's Chubby Mistress. Apparently my duties make me too busy to write a blog entry. The wonderful thing about this blog entry is that I'm writing it from my home. I've felt like a pioneer having to either bum the Hancock's to use their computer or to go to the STD infested library to use their computer. These days are no longer!!! ( I feel similar to Vivian Leigh in Gone With the Wind when she said that she will never go hungry again, that does include the clenched fist.)

By the way Raeanne, I never want to be in another picture with you, it makes me want to rip your face off so that I can use it for chewing tobacco :)

Now that I can put incriminating photos on here, I will (that's if I can manage to use my bloody camera correctly.)

Recently one of the fun activities I was able to attend was Sarah & Paul Fairbanks Halloween Party. As you look at the pictures you can see that people felt like they were in Vegas (don't ask, don't tell ... maybe that's the Army I'm thinking of.)

I have to say that I enjoyed myself immensely.

Rob. I almost forgot that you were married and went to ask you out on a date. Good thing I caught myself. By the way, those are Cari Havens curlers that Rob stole out of her hair.

I couldn't think of an appropriate comment to write down. Lesbians kept popping up but these 2 women have a total of 9 children between the 2 of them.

Angelee and I didn't win the toilet paper body wrapping contest but I do think that I burned about 200 calories running around her like a crazed lunatic.

I thought I would save the best for last.

Here is our devoted seminary teacher and a councilor in the Elders Quorum Presidency. Yes, they are dressed up as pimps. Apparently they are both mine, they tried to send me to appointments all night. I'm only upset that I didn't get Rob's Captain Morgan pants in this picture. I asked him if I could borrow them only to realize that they would have fitted me in about the 7th grade.

Good times at the party and I have to say that I enjoyed dressing up.

I also have another reason to be happy. Basketball has started!!!!!! I do love basketball!!! And no its not just because there are beautiful black boys that happen to play. It also doesn't hurt that Mike Hall is now apart of the BYU coaching staff, maybe I should purchase a trough to drool in so I don't get the furniture damaged.

My only request is that the Heat start winning some games so that the filthy Lakers don't win another championship. That is my Christmas wish.

Really .... No Really

Really there has been nothing to write about since all I have experienced is loss and devastation.

I know that I did a blog post about counting down the days when the football season was going to start, now I feel like I need to start counting down the days for when the basketball season is going to start since I'm already sick of football!

Yes, I'm sick of football!

Good thing that BYU beat the Huskies after having a near death experience with heat stroke and blistering up my feet to the point of bloodiness, luckily I got my hands on some tickets to the game. I'm not complaining about the sacrifices I made to go to the game but I will say that I'm glad that I didn't try to make a trip out to Utah for these last two games.

Its sad that by the end of last Saturday I was comparing BYU to Wyoming. I guess we aren't so bad that the quarterback is running all over the field in attempt to catch his own ball, poor Wyoming, at least we will have one win this season.

I know you are thinking that I'm a traitor but I will continue to watch the games faithfully. The only difference now is that my eyes get puffy and red and I indulge in a pint of haagen daas ice cream to drown out my sorrows after each game.

The only things that have brought me true comfort is the small poster I stole from the LaVell Edwards stadium women's bathroom of Brandon Davies. I would have taken the Jimmer poster as well but the bathroom traffic became too congested. Another thing that made me happy was the loss of Notre Dame. At least I know that Slobber Holtz was crying just as hard on his pillow as I was Saturday night:).

Another year older and ..... well lets not push it!

Happy birthday Michael! Its getting to be about the time to start buying stock in Polygrip and Depends. To commemorate your birthday my lovely assistant Angelee helped me put together a few videos of some very special people that want to wish you a happy birthday. The first video should have been last but I'm just thrilled that Angelee figured out how to put all of these on here. Enjoy!

Here is a shout out from your adorable Aunt Diane.

Pamela Anderson

made a special appearance just for you! Yes I know she has gotten a little ponchy and looks like a heffalump from Winnie the Pooh but be considerate, she has been through a lot.

In Bangkok a traditional thai massage will get you through any kind of problem including the ability to do nothing all day.

Good ol' Bronco Mendenhall. Always showing emotion when necessary.

There was supposed to be a two more videos on here that included a clip from Chelsey Handler but I couldn't think of anything that would be appropriate for viewers. The second video was supposed to be a remake of a certain camping trip you spent with two lovely ladies, one tent and a shared sleeping bag but of course Pilar vetoed my brillant plans for that so I apologize. Hope you have a great birthday Mr. Tuttles!

Thanks for your help Angelee!

Hi, My Name is Pam Anderson

So I guess I've never looked like this before but I do think that I got pretty close when I dressed up like Baywatch's Pam Anderson for Angelee's birthday. Since I couldn't find leg warmers that went over my chunky calves I decided to dress up like a Baywatch babe. Unfortunately I didn't get to run in slow motion but I think I was pretty flashy with my yellow yarn wig which my mother helped me construct (bless her soul for going along with my crazy ideas.)

I'm so mad at myself for forgetting the camera. Why do I do that every time there is an opportunity to take pictures?

Well what do I say about Angelee's 30th birthday. The highlights of the evening included:

Angelee and I looking at old high school pictures (holy crap, I forgot about the lovely different hair colors that I used to have.)

Angelee throwing her bags on the ground demanding to know where

she is going to be taken.

Twister, that should not be played by a bunch of 30 year olds (sorry I suffocated

you Liz.)

Skating, yes I did make it around twice. (By the way, Nick you and I should go skating some time, it looks like we are in the same skating bracket ;)

When Liz asked me if I was checking out guys my loud response included, "yeah, that black guy that works here." Don't worry he passed by me right as I was saying it.

All and all it was an entertaining evening. I guess I exerted myself so much that I got strep throat and have been sick since that.

In closing, I thought that I would share a little story about my friend Pilar.

Well actually all of the stories that I can think of she has forbidden me to utter so I will just say thanks for being a delightful, entertaining and lovely person.

30 Days And Counting

I know that everyone that claims to be my friend is practically busting out of their britches in anticipation of the big day. That's right kiddies, in 30 days BYU will open their football season playing against the Washington Huskies. In the spirit of some healthy rivalry (healthy being the key word) I found a few jokes about the Huskies that I would like to share:

What is the difference between a Husky cheerleader and an elephant
A: About 40 lbs
(Sounds like I could get myself a cheerleadin' scholarship)

Whats the difference between the Huskies and the Taliban?
A: The Taliban have a running game

Despite the tearful departure of my man Harvey I think that we are going to be wonderful! We got Heaps, Apo, Stout plus a string of returned missionaries that are dying to apply the commitment pattern by sheer brute force (corny, I don't know why I said that!) My eyes will also be on Ashworth, Holt and Manumaleuna.

So strap on your helmets and get ready to be tackled Washington.