Really .... No Really

Really there has been nothing to write about since all I have experienced is loss and devastation.

I know that I did a blog post about counting down the days when the football season was going to start, now I feel like I need to start counting down the days for when the basketball season is going to start since I'm already sick of football!

Yes, I'm sick of football!

Good thing that BYU beat the Huskies after having a near death experience with heat stroke and blistering up my feet to the point of bloodiness, luckily I got my hands on some tickets to the game. I'm not complaining about the sacrifices I made to go to the game but I will say that I'm glad that I didn't try to make a trip out to Utah for these last two games.

Its sad that by the end of last Saturday I was comparing BYU to Wyoming. I guess we aren't so bad that the quarterback is running all over the field in attempt to catch his own ball, poor Wyoming, at least we will have one win this season.

I know you are thinking that I'm a traitor but I will continue to watch the games faithfully. The only difference now is that my eyes get puffy and red and I indulge in a pint of haagen daas ice cream to drown out my sorrows after each game.

The only things that have brought me true comfort is the small poster I stole from the LaVell Edwards stadium women's bathroom of Brandon Davies. I would have taken the Jimmer poster as well but the bathroom traffic became too congested. Another thing that made me happy was the loss of Notre Dame. At least I know that Slobber Holtz was crying just as hard on his pillow as I was Saturday night:).

Another year older and ..... well lets not push it!

Happy birthday Michael! Its getting to be about the time to start buying stock in Polygrip and Depends. To commemorate your birthday my lovely assistant Angelee helped me put together a few videos of some very special people that want to wish you a happy birthday. The first video should have been last but I'm just thrilled that Angelee figured out how to put all of these on here. Enjoy!

Here is a shout out from your adorable Aunt Diane.

Pamela Anderson

made a special appearance just for you! Yes I know she has gotten a little ponchy and looks like a heffalump from Winnie the Pooh but be considerate, she has been through a lot.

In Bangkok a traditional thai massage will get you through any kind of problem including the ability to do nothing all day.

Good ol' Bronco Mendenhall. Always showing emotion when necessary.

There was supposed to be a two more videos on here that included a clip from Chelsey Handler but I couldn't think of anything that would be appropriate for viewers. The second video was supposed to be a remake of a certain camping trip you spent with two lovely ladies, one tent and a shared sleeping bag but of course Pilar vetoed my brillant plans for that so I apologize. Hope you have a great birthday Mr. Tuttles!

Thanks for your help Angelee!

Hi, My Name is Pam Anderson

So I guess I've never looked like this before but I do think that I got pretty close when I dressed up like Baywatch's Pam Anderson for Angelee's birthday. Since I couldn't find leg warmers that went over my chunky calves I decided to dress up like a Baywatch babe. Unfortunately I didn't get to run in slow motion but I think I was pretty flashy with my yellow yarn wig which my mother helped me construct (bless her soul for going along with my crazy ideas.)

I'm so mad at myself for forgetting the camera. Why do I do that every time there is an opportunity to take pictures?

Well what do I say about Angelee's 30th birthday. The highlights of the evening included:

Angelee and I looking at old high school pictures (holy crap, I forgot about the lovely different hair colors that I used to have.)

Angelee throwing her bags on the ground demanding to know where

she is going to be taken.

Twister, that should not be played by a bunch of 30 year olds (sorry I suffocated

you Liz.)

Skating, yes I did make it around twice. (By the way, Nick you and I should go skating some time, it looks like we are in the same skating bracket ;)

When Liz asked me if I was checking out guys my loud response included, "yeah, that black guy that works here." Don't worry he passed by me right as I was saying it.

All and all it was an entertaining evening. I guess I exerted myself so much that I got strep throat and have been sick since that.

In closing, I thought that I would share a little story about my friend Pilar.

Well actually all of the stories that I can think of she has forbidden me to utter so I will just say thanks for being a delightful, entertaining and lovely person.

30 Days And Counting

I know that everyone that claims to be my friend is practically busting out of their britches in anticipation of the big day. That's right kiddies, in 30 days BYU will open their football season playing against the Washington Huskies. In the spirit of some healthy rivalry (healthy being the key word) I found a few jokes about the Huskies that I would like to share:

What is the difference between a Husky cheerleader and an elephant
A: About 40 lbs
(Sounds like I could get myself a cheerleadin' scholarship)

Whats the difference between the Huskies and the Taliban?
A: The Taliban have a running game

Despite the tearful departure of my man Harvey I think that we are going to be wonderful! We got Heaps, Apo, Stout plus a string of returned missionaries that are dying to apply the commitment pattern by sheer brute force (corny, I don't know why I said that!) My eyes will also be on Ashworth, Holt and Manumaleuna.

So strap on your helmets and get ready to be tackled Washington.

Who Can Blame Me?

Here goes another shot at blogging. Hopefully this go around will be less offensive to everyone. In keeping with less offensive subjects I thought I would start off with a story that LaNell has been wanting to tell for a while. I hope that you realize LaNell how full of charity I am.

When I returned home from my mission Harry Potter was in full force. The sixth book was about to come out but I wanted nothing to do with it. Being of a purer mind back then I thought that the Potter books were encouraging false priest crafts :) It was LaNell who finally convinced me that they were great books and that I would enjoy them. When I finally picked them up I couldn't stop. I even stood in line at Barnes & Noble for the midnight unveiling of the sixth and seventh book like a dummy but at least I wasn't wearing any kind of ridiculous costume.

I guess I don't regret doing the whole Harry Potter thing but I should have run the other way when LaNell came trotting up to me with these ridiculous Twilight books. I had heard about them but thought that they were juvenile and a waste of my time. For some reason I got roped into reading them when I lived with LaNell. Secretly I think that she hypnotized me into it when I was sleeping!! Finally my will power weakened and I started to read. I stayed up for hours into the late night reading about this stupid love triangle. To top it off I didn't want LaNell or anyone else to know that I went through the set of books again and then again. I would hide in the BYU library basement so that I wouldn't run into anyone I knew. Really .... if I'm this stupid I should just drive my car into the bottom of an ocean and get it over with. The part of this terrible story is that the first Twilight film came out into the theatres. One might think that I watched it once, twice or maybe three times. Of course not! 5 is the magic number. I bow my head in embarrassment!!! The show wasn't even good but I was fixated.
How could you do this to me LaNell?????
But on the other hand who can blame me for falling in love with Edward, Jacob and all the wolves, they are steamy!!!!
Nobody better hold this against me or I will pound them!

Was It Really A Vacation?

I had such an eye opening experience visiting friends in Utah last week!

I've been out to Utah so many times I can't even count but this trip was probably the most eventful. Not because I got to do so many things but because so many crazy things happened.

1. I forgot my camera because I am an idiot.

2. When I was told that I couldn't go over Donner on Tuesday I decided to visit Michael while he was serving as a butler/chauffeur/ maker of eloquent meals for a week. This activity stirred up emotions of pity for Michael and strengthened my testimony about NOT EVER having children!

3. Having to watch the BYU vs. San Diego State game on Christy's television even though I had tickets to the game and also had to contend with a 5 year old jumping on my lap, asking me if I would be his girl friend. (That rounds out to about 70% of the game I actually got to watch.)

4. Getting slapped on the butt by the same 5 year old followed by the comment, "your fluffy." Thanks Camden, your a real entertainer.

5. Deciding to go to Utah on Thursday. It was a 14.5 hour drive in a Pontiac. Never buy a Pontiac unless you happen to be a pretty, skinny girl. If you do not fall into that bracket your hips are going to hurt and its pretty much going to look like an elephant getting caught up in a match box or at least that is how I felt.

6. Trying to find tickets to the New Mexico game. What kind of friends do I have anyway when I find out what they would rather do instead of watching the biggest game of the season? Here are a few reasons that they gave me:

"I think I would just like to play my soccer game."

"I'm going down to St. George for a 100 mile bike ride."

"I would rather play with Barbies."

How lovely is that. Erica was the only person that would come to the game with me and so I rewarded her by not getting a ticket for her. I felt really bad and wanted to go with her but when I showed up to get tickets from the scalpers there weren't any there but there was about 50 people trying to buy tickets. It was insane! I finally found somebody that had one extra ticket and so I took it. Its probably a good thing that Erica didn't come with me since BYU lost by 2 points. The below pictures are how I felt about the situation:

I think you get the picture!

Setting all problems aside I did have some enjoyable moments. I was taught how to play Dominion, I love it.

Another humorous event that happened was when I was in Utah at Michelle's home. Michelle was nice enough to let me stay at her home while I was visiting and so when I called her to tell her when I would be coming in she giggled and said that she had the room all ready for me. When I showed up at 2 am I turned on the bedroom light to see that the room was decorated in Twilight materials. Everything from books, pillow cases and posters. I have to admit that I was a little disappointed that Taylor Lautner wasn't there in person to make out with me but I did get a good laugh about the decorations. Thanks so much Michelle, you are funny.
It was nice to see all of you even if it caused gray hairs to form on my head.

In the Words of LaNell "MERCY"

Have you ever had the urge to fill up your bath tub and submerge your head into it until all signs of life are non existent? If you are answering no to this question than you should be proud that your life is at a better stage than mine.

I took 5 days off of work so that I could go out to Utah to watch some BYU basketball games and spend time with my friends. I guess I just picked the wrong week to go since chains are required to go over Donner Pass and Hertz doesn't allow chain use on their vehicles. LOVELY. Lets be honest, even if they did I wouldn't be able to put them on even on one of my good days. I would probably have more luck talking Brandon Davies into making out with me for 20 minutes.

Its not very often that I cry but poor Erica had the honor of dealing with that. I just want to say thanks Erica because most of my friends are not sensitive to those kinds of emotions :)

I guess its alright that I miss 2 of the most important games of the season but I'm probably better off because I would have broken the sabbath traveling home to be back at work on Monday. Maybe I will take my own car on Sunday and go buy a bunch of furniture at IKEA just for the heck of it.

On a more depressing note I am trying not to drink Dr. Pepper. I'm trying to switch over to diet and let me tell you I'm on the verge of just drinking hydrogen peroxide instead. It would taste just as good and probably kill any germs lingering in my mouth. I HATE diet drinks but I will try to press forward for as long as I can. In addition to my diet drinks Michael and I are walking in the cemetery regularly. The first time I tried walking I thought that Michael was going to have to dig a grave side for me, maybe carve my name in the dirt so others could find me. I resent the fact that several people have asked if we stop at the 7V on the way home to get our soda. The answer is no. Maybe in a month I will be able to start climbing mountains with LaNell.