The Hall of Horrors

This was a big weekend for me. Friday was filled with excitement as I started my Friday by watching the BYU basketball game. A co-worker was kind enough to give me his ticket because he couldn't attend. After I got my free ticket and enjoyed watching the Cougars slaughter house Rice I felt a surge of euphoria. I thought that nothing could stop the football team. I didn't sleep very well at night, it was like waiting for Santa Claus to come bursting down the chimney to bring a win for the Cougars (good thing LaNell doesn't have a chimney and I don't like sharing the cookies!) I was in such a good mood Saturday morning that I had made a big breakfast for my ungrateful roommates who seemed to be laughing at me due to outbursts of song & dance. We decided to do a video to commemorate BYU's win that was already in the bag (or so I thought, maybe I'm mentally retarded.) Just so everyone knows, my roommate Katie attended the University of Utah.

You Ain't Cool Unless You Pee Your Pants!

First off I just want to laugh at the fact that so many people complained about there being no blog entry so I put one up and then no one comments just because I use the word nigger. If thats all it takes so that I can end this silly masquerade of mindless chatter then I will be using that and other words more.



I was trying to think of what to talk about, I really wanted to talk about the BYU game that LaNell & I went to but LaNell's head was in the clouds thinking about Prince Charming and so she forgot the camera. Its sad because our seats were so good that I got to touch the hem of Jimmer's shirt (Don't mind me, I'm just slightly twiterpated!)The game was fun and luckily we won, thanks to Cummard.



I thought that I would take a moment to tell a sad story that LaNell has been nagging me to tell for ages now. Fortunately there is no picture to go along with it but I'm sure if Michael had a camera he would have been more than happy to snap a shot of me in a moment of embarassment!!!! LaNell likes to call me chuckles, tragically my insessant laughter problem caught up with me one day when I was hanging out with Michael. We had gone to lunch over in Chico and then decided to walk around in a park. For some reason Michael decided that he wanted to be the funniest person in the world. Of coarse as the jokes became increasingly funnier I could not stop laughing to the point of heart attack. I couldn't breathe and I had indulged in several Dr. Peppers so I was telling Michael to stop or I was going to pee my pants. He of coarse found this hilarious and continued. Of coarse the breaking point was when I realized that I should have invested in a package of Pampers! I didn't know what to do, I was frantically searching for a restroom but there was only a gathering hall that was being used by a wedding reception. So I had to do what any chubby girl would do and that is to charge into the reception and quickly find a bathroom. Luckily no one stopped me to inquire about my attire, I guess they thought that I was just there to indulge in the cake. Luckily I didn't have too bad an accident but I did think about murdering Michael & investing in a catheter. So in the words of Billy Madison, "you ain't cool unless you pee your pants!"

I've been tagged by Pops

Sorry Raeanne that it took me so long to respond to the tag. By the way, you should not be sleeping on your stomach, its horrible for your neck!!!!! 7 weird things, are you sure thats it because I could probably write a Pulitzer Prize winning novel. Here is goes:

1. I really can't find my way out of a paper bag!
2. I love water! Michael might be the only one to think thats weird!
3. I like black people more than white people.
4. I have a weird phobia about washing my hands (I do it like 20 - 30 times a day!)
5. I talk to myself all of the time (I guess that is because there is no one better to talk to! haha)
6. I didn't learn how to whistle until I was 19.
7. I love to wear flip flops year around.

Why I Love Dogs More Than People!

Maybe its my old age or maybe its because I've decided not to care if people get offended if I should choose to not like them. The other day I was informed that its alright if I don't want to get married as long as I get a dog. For the first time the marital advice was good!! Here are the reasons for me being bias towards dogs.

1. Unconditional love 24 - 7

2. They don't come with baggage.

3. They don't require diamonds or trucks, just a nice t-bone steak once in a while.

4. They don't act self righteous and express opinions that no one cares about.

5. If its a black dog you can call it nigger and it won't pull a blade out on you.

6. Doesn't judge its master even if the master happens to be chubby.

7. You don't have to share your chocolate with it (it can kill them!

8. There is no binding contract, the animal can be taken away at any time if you are displeased with it.

I forgot to add that they are usually adorable like Brewer up here (sorry I took your picture Jana) Alas, I cannot own a dog for fear of LaNell shooting it on site (yes she would!!!!)

Walking Down Memory Lane with LaNell

When I moved in I noticed that LaNell went out of town very frequently. I attribute this need to leave due to teaching adolescents all day but now I believe that its because of me. What's wrong LaNell, am I demanding to much of you? I thought you liked bringing me my slippers, cleaning the house and bringing me milk & cookies at night. Well even though LaNell now despises me I still miss her when she leaves. Some of you may not know this but LaNell is my longest running roommate. I'm not sure if this is due to her being a masochist or if she thinks that by living with me she will get a one way ticket to the CK. Here are some pictures throughout the years that remind me of the good ol' days.







Between the 6 of us there isn't a shred of fashion sense or style. Remember when we all wore soccer socks & sandals to church.

Here we are in Florida for band. I think that LaNell still thinks that we are living in the Cretaceous period and that she is the mighty
Tyranesaurus Rex. Very Sexy!

Good ol' girls camp. If you will look very carefully you will find LaNell in a not so great mood. What happened to her that put such a sour expression on her face? Don't worry LaNell, your still pretty!

Graduation day! Here is what I think are some of the thoughts of my fellow graduates: Katie L." 5 is a good nubmer, yes that will be managable." Katie V." If I have to smile for one more picture I am going to rip my teeth out so no one wants me in their pic!" Angelee " Why does Katie get 5, I want to make out with 5 guys!" Mikila " When can I tear this necklace apart and the eat the candy?" Erica " Don't I look pretty, it took 24 hours to detangle & comb my hair"

When I attended Ricks I lived next door to Katie & LaNell. Good thing because you will notice that there was something in the water over there that made them think that College Avenue housing was a barnyard! Ounk, Ounk.

LaNell & I making our first snowman. LaNell & I fought over it because we needed a date for the next big dance. I think our date turned out fairly sexy.

This is a sight to behold! I don't know what is funnier, the actual Grandma underwear or the fact that Katie talked LaNell into putting a pair of them on!

Here is the crew. The BYU ers came up for a visit which turned out to be pretty fun. I wanted to put this picture in for 2 reasons: To show a pretty picture of Erica after Angelee's escapades and to make fun of Josh because he looks pretty stupid, go G.I. Joe!!!

The MTC. Sister Brown is either excited about the processed food she is eating or she is excited to see me. I can't say too much about Sister Brown at the MTC for fear of her telling the shower story. I will say that the story involves a sister missionary minding her own business in a shower who all of a sudden has to lunge for a towel (this is difficult for a chubby girl!) because another sister missionary feels like suprising her with a camera!

Post mission. I say post mission because it should indicate that LaNell & I should be mature, (oh well, you can't win them all!) This no doubt is a result of LaNell thinking that she can dominate me and say whatever she wants to. You would think that this head lock would teach her not to mess with me anymore but as you can see below, there was another attack.

Game Day

GO BYU!

I don't get to go to the actual BYU games very often so I was very excited when Than said he had an extra ticket. I knew it was going to be cold so I bundled up like an Eskimo (Than of coarse made fun of me and he also made fun of your nifty knitter work Michael, I think that you should obliterate him for that!) I have to admit that I was under the impression that the game would be so wonderful because BYU was going to annihilate New Mexico. After the first quarter I felt as though Pacen, Camry and I could beat the Cougars. Nobody played as well as they usually do, even my boyfriend Harvey wasn't getting the yards that he usually does (yes I am speaking of my fantasy & non existing world!) Anyway we pulled out the win and didn't go down in the polls (good thing I have some pull upstairs otherwise it wouldn't of happened!) I guess freezing was worth it but I will complain about something else. I decided I wanted to get a drink of water during half time which would have taken a few minutes but Than asked if I could stop at the snack bar and get him something (I should have told him to shove it!) I wasn't opposed to stopping until I was standing in line and it was very apparent that I was going to miss some of the game which I did (a whole 5 minutes on the clock!) Because its so loud I didn't hear my phone ring but I later noticed that Than had called and I had asked him why, he proceeded to tell me that he thought I had gotten lost and that is why I missed some of the game. I'll have you know that a chubby girl can always find food and I have managed to learn how to read over the years so that if I can't find my seat I can look at my ticket! Well all in all the day was fun. Thanks for the ticket!

Picture: Why is it that Evan is the only one that doesn't look ridiculous???? I was just wondering who waxes your eyebrows Than?

To My Dearest Mommy

Happy Birthday Mom! Not a lot of people know my mother simply because she lives with a bunch of loud mouth, high strung, domineering Hemstalks. She definitely is a behind the scenes person but in reality she is very witty & hilarious! There are a number of funny experiences that we have shared, most of which she has banned me from writing on here so I will do my best to share a couple of funny stories.





1. My mom was on the phone long distance with a company and I decided to go and sit on her lap to be funny. I was probably 14 years old at the time (definitely didn't fit on my mothers lap very well,) and all of a sudden the chair broke. After the loud crash and the obvious injuries one would think that I would immediately get up so that I could help my aging mother up. As some of you know I have a laughing problem and once I get started there is no stopping. So picture this: My mother and I are on the floor, I am in hysterics, my mother is trying to get up and she is still on the phone with a lady, she is asking me for help and I can't do a thing except double over with laughter. Who knows what the lady on the phone thought but finally my mom asked if she could call her back and she ended up helping herself off of the floor. Good thing the chair doesn't have a soul, it would have been a traumatic experience for it!




2. When I was a child our family would go down to the theme parks in the LA area every other year. Traffic has gotten consistently worse over the years and if anyone has been over the grape vine they know that its not easy driving. One year (and I believe its the last year we went!) my father was driving, the traffic was really bad and he made a few mistakes. My mother gets pretty nervous in vehicles so she finally hit her boiling point and stated, "stop this car right now, I will be taking a bus home." Mind you, we were going across the grape vine, there is no place to stop and there definitely isn't any bus stop nearby so my mother would have walked on the highway and somehow found a bus. Good thing we talked her out of it and made it home safely.




3. My mother has some key phrases that are unforgettable, here are a few of them: "hells bells"/ "say hi to your sister Sadie" (that is the dog that my mother tells us to say hello to) / "Mikila it always makes me nervous when you say everything is going to be alright."/ "I don't talk to anybody after 9 o'clock!"/ "Your a meat head!" / "Numbnut!" / "Ken, stop eating all the food!" / "What is an interception?"/