Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow ......

It seems as though I have been saying goodbye a lot in the last couple of weeks and
I have to say that I don't like it!!!

The first person I had to say goodbye to was Sean or should I Elder Robertson. I was so proud of him when he gave a great talk at church, it is very apparent that he is ready to serve the Lord. Good job Sean!!! I am going to miss this kid!

The other thing that I hate are these blasted horse shows or better known as horror shows. It sucks when your ONE friend that is in town that isn't cumbered by children leaves for what seems like an eternity in Kolob's time and so I'm left here to try on pink outfits with Angelee. I know that I should go and make more friends but lets be honest, I'm too big of a jerk to try and impress new people!

One thing that diverted my attention was Lindsey Jagoda's bridal shower. LaNell & Jennie were in town so it was great to see them. Of course the batteries in my camera died and so I wasn't able to take a picture. Why do I have so many issues with my camera??? I can never get a single picture on that camera that I want to but somehow LaNell can capture me in any awkward situation and has them all stored up just waiting to lash out at any moment. My favorite shower moment was when Angelee was talking to sister McKee. This is how the conversation went:
" What is your daughter's name?"
"Charlee"
"Charlee, isn't that a boys name?"

Oh well, you can't win them all can you Pilar?????

The last story will probably embarrass my mother but all is fair when it comes to my blog. She and I were coming back from Chico the other day and it was very hot. There was a vehicle in front of us, two men driving a truck and a chocolate lab in the back of the truck. For those that don't know, my parents are really sensitive towards animals. My mother thought that it was inappropriate that the dog was in the back on such a hot day and so this is what she screamed out of the window, "I would like you to sit your rectums on a hot slab of metal so that you can see how it feels!" Hysterical. Thanks for being such an activist mother!

Last but not least. I have a question. Angelee stated at the shower that she is funnier than me. Is this true???

Guess Their Can't Be 2 Princesses in the House

First off I am taking up donations for 2 different things, the first being to fix this blasted glove box. Don't get me wrong (especially if you happen to read this Tracie,) but I feel like I'm holding a child on my lap when I'm sitting in Michael's vehicle. Michael is very grateful for a car to now drive around in but I couldn't help but laugh when I got in and it sounded as though the car let a moan for help. Good thing the car can't talk, it probably would have told me its not a nigger and that it will not be obliged to cart around 2 chubby people around The Ville. The other thing that I am taking up a donation for is a nacho libre outfit for Pilar. If she and I are going to continue to wrestle I feel like she should be properly dressed.

Oh, how cute, its a child. Since everyone knows I eat little children I just wanted to show my next victim (and you just thought I wanted to photograph your pretty face Raeanne!) Michelle was in town for a few days, its been nice to see her. She is extremely entertaining, bless her soul for down grading a bit just to hang out with me. If you have not already read Angelee's blog you should know that Angelee is a 5 star entertainer. Seriously Pilar, I think you should take your comedy to Vegas and be an intermission act for Celine Dion. Unfortunately I found out the hard way that I shouldn't bring any cookies because everyone will just eat them, and I thought I was the chubby princess.

The other thing that I found out is that their cannot be 2 princesses in a house at the same time!! Everyone knows that I am the chubby princess but everyone may not know that Angelee is the princess of everything else. For some reason whenever I am around her I feel that Anglee is threatened by my good looks, charismatic personality, good natured kindness to the point that an unspoken violence bursts out of her. I don't know what to do to make this right with her except to continually throw her down so that she knows who the boss is. The picture on her blog that shows her on top of me is after I threw her down and pounded her 5 times but couldn't defeat her anymore due to excess laughter. You think that a person would come up with a different tactical plan if they keep losing but I don't think that its getting through to her. Its going to be ok Pilar, I love you anyway.
By the way, my camera's battery went dead and so I didn't get the proper footage, unfortunately!!!!!!

As The World Turns

This week I turned my face into a corner ashamed of myself for being so dependent upon modern day technology. At the moment I have to rely upon the dog & rice smelling library in Oroville. I hate this bloody place anyway, I feel like I have to spray a pesticide all over my body so that I don't expose myself to any type of hepatitis. Luckily Michael Meyer is working on Shane's computer so I will be able to keep on top of my blog or maybe I could just let it go for 4 months like some people but I'm not going to name any names.

Another thing I've learned while being in Oroville is that my family is under the delusion that my room is a storage unit. Maybe I should start charging them a monthly fee for all of the effort I'm exuding to heave my mammoth body over boxes & crates just to make it into my bed. The other problem is that my whole family is now moved back into my parents' home. At one point we used to all fit in there pretty comfortably but now I'm thinking that either the house has shrunk or 4 polar bears + all their crap can longer fit (I'm thinking its the first option.)

Lastly I want to talk about my love of yard sales. I'm not talking about just any yard sale, I'm talking about a yard sale at ...... well I was going to write it down but I made the mistake of letting my mom read it and she told me that I was being too mean (she obviously doesn't know me very well.) Anyway, I was disappointed because I had no camera to take a picture but it was fun rummaging through to see if I needed anything there. Everything was for free but everything looked like it had came from the city dump. Michael and I looked searched relentlessly for a turkey baster to send to Erica but to no avail (sorry Erica, I know that you would have enjoyed getting that in the mail.) I did find a baby car seat which I almost took in case I decided to breed a liter of monsters. Fun times!

Oroville or Bust

Here is beautiful Michelle getting ready for her play. Michelle is awesome, we had a lot of fun for a week since she was gracious enough to let me stay with her before I left for California. I didn't realize that I was going to become so educated while I was with her. I learned how to pronounce both of my names backwards, I learned about all of the great BBC films and last but not least, I learned how to say no when a dog wants to make out with you (but thanks for the offer Nadra!)

Well I packed all of my crap in the car and started the long drive home with Claudia (yes I named the car after Claudia Bendorf, she sold me the car.) I know that everyone thought that the car wouldn't make it but I didn't have a single problem with it so happy day for me. I have only been in Oroville for one day but already I am getting sentimental and definitely miss certain things about Utah which brings me to the purpose of my post.

10 Things I Miss About Utah
1. No, its not the snow!!!!!!!!!!!
2. Having the slight possibility of running into Jimmer Fredette so that I can proceed to make a fool out of myself.
3. Taking weekly walks with LaNell up to the Y (yes, weekly!)
4. My job, it really was a great job and I worked with awesome people.
5. Driving to Oroville with Sam so that we could discuss the inner workings of every single soul that is from Oroville.
6. Getting scared by Dan.
7. Good restaurants that are appealing to a chubby princess.
8. Watching the BYU Cougars dominate!
9. Going to the BYU library to read.
10. STROGANOFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Utah is great but being home is great to. Already I have come up with several blog title entries that include:
I'm only a part time friend
Do you want to hit that?
The grand majesty of Lou Holtz
Ghettorific
I'm taking up donations for the antler house
Nothing beats the service of Taco Bell
Gardening issues, everyone has them
My family IS crazy!

Good ol' Coach

With Father's Day coming up tomorrow I thought that I would say a few things about my old man. For those that know him know that he has what I like to call a "different personality." Don't get me wrong, he definitely has some nice qualities about himself but sometimes I do think that he undeniably crazy!!! I shouldn't complain that he is crazy because it has caused several entertaining experiences over the years. Here is a few of them:

One day my mother went shopping and took Shane & I with her so my father was alone with the dog at home. When we arrived back home we were walking up the sidewalk with groceries in our hands and all of a sudden my father opens the door with a look of sheer panic on his face. We all noticed and stopped wondering what the problem was. Coach looked at my mom and said, "don't worry Nancy, I got the fire under control." Of course my mother is moving in a quick like fashion to the inside of the house to find that the microwave was burnt to a crisp on the inside. Luckily my father had put out the flames before we had gotten there. My mother says, "Ken, what were you cooking in the microwave?" "Just baking a potato." "How long did you cook the potato for Ken?" "Just around 35 minutes, isn't that how long you are supposed to cook it for?" 35 minutes!!!!One potato, 35 minutes!! Nice job Coach! Needless to say we got a new microwave that day. :)

I know that a lot of people have heard this story but its one of my personal favorites so I will share it again. For those that don't know, my father is a retired teacher, he also coached football and basketball. When I came home from my mission, my parents were standing there waiting for me. My father isn't a real affectionate person but he came to me and put his arm around me. Keep in mind I hadn't seen the man in 18 months so you think he would say something like, "I'm so happy to see you or glad that you are home." Nope nothing like that was said, instead the first thing he said to me was, "I'm proud of you, you can call me coach now." Why does that still make me laugh?? So now I call him coach, the funny thing about it is that I think he likes hearing that more than dad or father :)

Last story. Shane and I like to play jokes on the old man because we usually get a rise out of him, his reactions meet our expectations. My dad had come into the house, he had just gotten back from the store and had purchased some snack pack tapioca pudding. I think that he was craving it so he wanted to wait for it to get cold so he went outside to do some yard work. Well, tapioca sounded good to Shane & I and so we polished off the entire 8 pack of it. Don't worry, we kept the carton containers, put them back in the fridge with a post it note attached to it that said, "thanks sucker!" Well you can imagine the rest of it. When my father walked in to eat his pudding Shane & I were very quiet and then all of a sudden we hear, "you ate the whole bloomin' thing!" :) Good times.

One of the best memories I have with my father is going to a Kings vs. Suns game at the Arco Arena. I had bought court side seats for his Christmas present. He loves Steve Nash and enjoyed watching the game in such close proximity to the players. We had a fun time. Good times with the Coach.

This Will Be A Night That Is Hard To Forget!

Well well, here we go. I love these weekly assault rituals that I provide for everyone on my blog which makes me think, "everyone knows that if they do something ridiculous or funny enough I will surely post about it so why do people invite me to places?" I guess some people are just nice, which I'll be honest, I don't understand that kind of behavior.

Here is a case of some people trying to be nice but ended up being very entertaining as well so I want to personally thank the Nettesheim family, Nellers and Joelie for an entertaining evening.

We kind of had a little going away party because I am leaving Utah to move home to Oroville (you know, home of the golden teeth.) I know that I have talked about Ben's stroganoff before but I must say that if Ben was a person comparable to the wicked witch on Hansel & Gretal and made a house of stroganoff to lure little greedy chubby kids there, he would have made a meal out of me a long time ago. Nothing can stop me from showing up at Jana & Ben's if they say they are making stroganoff. The food was good, thank you so much!!

Don't ask me what Ben & Joel are doing ( I guess they are guarding their women. One might ask if LaNell is Joel's woman, I think that they would be a cute couple. They both like to hike, play sports, talk about how wonderful they are at sports and criticize fat people; that sounds like a match made in heaven to me.)

Here is Cali's reaction to me after LaNell told her I eat children. She is sure cute!

Here is a funny story that nobody will believe. I tend to have my favorites and Packer happens to be one of them when he isn't PMSing. I love to play with Packer. I was sitting on the couch and throwing Packer around. Master Brown decides that she would be more entertaining and so she told Packer to come to her so that she could play with him. I was thrilled when I heard Packer's response, "NO!" Thanks Packer, you made my day!

Here is Brewer. I'm going to miss this cute dog. He loves getting massages from me therefore I love giving them to him.

Finally, here is the grand finale. This is when it gets a little out of control.

For some reason the subject of musicals come up and then the conversation turns to Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. This show is ridiculous, if you have been able to avoid it thus far in your life, I salute you! Who even owns this show, oh wait a minute, Jana & Ben do. While Ben was popping in the video I offered to give everyone a shoulder rub. The Brownie Monster can't just accept a shoulder rub, she had to ask for a butt rub. Here is the following dialog:

Mikila "you don't have a butt"

LaNell "I know, can I have some of yours Jana?"

Ben "I'm not giving up any of MY wife's butt, I had to pay for that transplant!"

Before that conversation there was another butt conversation which went like this:

Jana "I love a big booty."

Ben "I KNOW you do!"

I would like to continue but the vulgarity is just too much for me and I want this to be a PG rated blog, not PG -13. I also found out that LaNell's favorite song to sing right after she says her prayer at night is Bless Your Beautiful Hide from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. Supposedly she thinks that this will draw a man to her. I also found out that there is such a thing as "bedroom voice." I didn't know exactly what that meant and so I asked Jana to demonstrate it for me, she all of a sudden became gun shy, I guess I will just have to keep on wondering.

I did have fun. Thanks you guys. I think I will close with my favorite line from the seven brides movie: "Nice night for a coon hunt!"

Here We Go Again

Yes I do realize that I have been posting frequently but today I am bored out of my mind since I am sitting at home with strep throat, yes, strep throat folks. Some of you will recall that I had this a month ago so what in the world am I doing with it again. It might possibly have something to do with my soda intake + no sleep lifestyle + coming in contact with a lot of people at the work place. No matter, I broke down and went to the doctor and am now drugged up. The funny thing about strep throat is that several people have commented, "you have that again, maybe you shouldn't make out with so many different men so much." What in the world is that supposed to mean? Its true that I wouldn't mind a random make out session with a guy if I thought I would never see them again but I just don't walk around and ask for this form of entertainment. I probably would be happier about this confounded sickness if I had got it from some hot guy which brings me to the point of this post.

Top 10 Guys I Would Love to Get Strep Throat From:

Dwayne Wade

Naveen Andrews

LeBron James

David Beckham

Collin Ferrell

Brad Pitt

Reggie Bush

Robert Pattinson

Jimmer Fredette
and Terrence Howard ( I couldn't upload his picture for some reason)