Happy Birthday Michael

Here on this glorious day, I want to recognize the birthday of one, Michael Robertson. When I think of Michael I think of Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way. I find it so hard to find fault with him when he has me in hysterics 95% of the time and for that I'm grateful. Angelee is always telling me not to encourage him but I have to admit that I love doing just that.

Most of the experiences I have had with Michael have already been blogged about and so with the help of my comrades I was able to find a few things out about my good friend.

1. Poor Twinkle

The Robertsons used to have a dog named Twinkle. It was a cute little dog even though it liked to chew on used tampons but as Twinkle got older, she started to lose her eye sight. Apparently Michael enjoyed putting boxes out in front of Twinkle's path so that when she ran through the
house she would run right into the boxes, falling over. Michael, I can't wait to see what Twinkle says to you in the hereafter :) !

2. How about a little peroxide?

Michael is very fashionable. He takes pride in being up to date on the latest trends but also likes separating himself from others in the clothing that he wears. Apparently when Michael had hair he wanted it to look perfect. I've been told that he would spend a substantial amount of time grooming his hair. This grooming included getting it blond by way of peroxide. He used to peroxide it over and over again so that he could have hair like Goldilocks. Well Michael, cheer up, now you don't have to worry about it anymore :)

3. I hate Michael Robertson

If someone would have told me 12 years ago that Michael and I were going to be friends I would have laughed in disbelief, here is why. One year when I was up at Ricks College I was going home for Christmas with Kevin and Josh. It was going to be a quick 9 hr drive home with no interruptions until Michael called Kevin and said that he was going to have to come get him in Provo because the cars were full there and Michael had neglected to secure himself a ride. I wasn't too thrilled to have to make a 4 hour detour but nevertheless I didn't really have a choice. I didn't hardly know Michael and so I didn't think he would really talk to me, I didn't have any idea what was in store!!! The whole ride home Michael made fun of Josh and I. Yes that is 10 uninterrupted hours of him teasing Josh and I. By the time I got out of the car I was ready to burst into tears. I ran inside the house, found my mother and yelled out to her as I started to sob, "I hate Michael Robertson and I hope that I never have to speak to him again!" Good thing I learned how to hold my own :) !

4. "If you could only understand my heat stroke!"

Back in the day before Pilar was married and Michael was working for Chris Craig they used to play nertz together. Apparently one day Michael had been working on a roof and nearly had a heat stroke. I'm going to wager that he had only drunk Dr. Pepper that day which dehydrates a person but there is no use in telling Michael that he needs to drink more water, he only argues with me about it. So he shows up to Angelee's, practically on all fours begging for ice cold water. He tells Angelee that he couldn't possibly play nertz because he can barely lift his head up. Finally he stated that he could play if he could lay down and just throw the cards out into the middle (POOR ANGELEE, HAD TO PICK THE CARDS UP AND PUT THEM ON THE RIGHT PILE.) At one point Angelee caught him with his eyes closed and he said, " give me a minute, I'm seeing spots." Angelee thought that he was so pathetic that she took a picture, it is the one that is on the top right. Way to milk it for all that its worth Michael!

Really Michael is wonderful. I'm grateful for his friendship. Michael, I wish that I could blow up a red balloon and shape it like a heart for you but I've realized that I'm not that close to the spirit :)

Finally

There doesn't seem to be too much of an upset that I haven't updated this blog but that's ok, I've decided that I do this blog as apart of my therapy and not to please or entertain anyone else. Maybe one of these days I will have money to invest into the internet in the home but I'm too busy anyway. One would ask what is consuming my time and I will tell you, wedding plans!!!!!!!! Don't worry, I haven't gone on an alcoholic binge, ended waking up with a ring on my finger, I'm referring to my brothers marriage. I just want to say that I HATE WEDDINGS!!!!!! What a waste of time! I don't care two stitches about a wedding and yet I seem to be in the center of this planning ceremony. To give you some examples of how much I hate weddings, here is a list of things that I would rather do than plan a wedding:

1. Take a hike up to the Y with Nazi Brown

2. Go a whole week without Dr. Pepper

3. Run a daycare for one day

4. Get on a treadmill for more than 30 minutes

5. Do Simon says with a pair of skates on

6. Crack open my rib cage

7. Be nice to everyone for one day

8. Have a tea & crumpet afternoon with John Miller
Good thing it will all be over in 22 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know that Angelee & Raeanne have posted pics about the luchadora party but they didn't really say that much about it so let me have the honor of picking apart a bunch of middle aged crazies that think it is appropriate to dress in spandex and capes. I am happy that Raeanne suggested doing this, I think that she and I should go into the party planning business. The evening was definitely filled with laughs, especially when Pilar put on her little costume. Nothing short of two geniuses could have come up with such a magnanimous outfit. Thanks Raeanne. I'm also glad that I could be of assistance to Rob. Unfortunately the banners that we wanted to put up were too high for Rob, Raeanne and I and so I was on my hands & knees so that Rob could do jumping jacks on my back :) I was also happy about the fact that everyone took their turn to wrestle, great entertainment.

Lindsey's Reception. It was nice to see Lindsey and Jennie again. The reception was a blast but I think that the funniest part of it was when Joshie, Olive and some other children were trying to get into Michael's pond (good thing you weren't there to see that Michael, you would have drowned them.)

Cal Skate. For Kaylee's birthday we went to Cal Skate, if you don't know Kaylee you will think that she just turned 10 but no, she just turned 25. I had to admit that I was rather skeptical but there were some laughs when I was attempting to roller skate (yes I know, there should be a weight limit so that the poor skates don't break down.) Let me tell you why its horrible to be chubby. I couldn't even get my own skates on, Kaylee and Sam had to help. After their hard work I only made it around the rink 3 times but I did manage to not fall. Overall I had a fun time. Thanks for inviting me Kaylee.

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow ......

It seems as though I have been saying goodbye a lot in the last couple of weeks and
I have to say that I don't like it!!!

The first person I had to say goodbye to was Sean or should I Elder Robertson. I was so proud of him when he gave a great talk at church, it is very apparent that he is ready to serve the Lord. Good job Sean!!! I am going to miss this kid!

The other thing that I hate are these blasted horse shows or better known as horror shows. It sucks when your ONE friend that is in town that isn't cumbered by children leaves for what seems like an eternity in Kolob's time and so I'm left here to try on pink outfits with Angelee. I know that I should go and make more friends but lets be honest, I'm too big of a jerk to try and impress new people!

One thing that diverted my attention was Lindsey Jagoda's bridal shower. LaNell & Jennie were in town so it was great to see them. Of course the batteries in my camera died and so I wasn't able to take a picture. Why do I have so many issues with my camera??? I can never get a single picture on that camera that I want to but somehow LaNell can capture me in any awkward situation and has them all stored up just waiting to lash out at any moment. My favorite shower moment was when Angelee was talking to sister McKee. This is how the conversation went:
" What is your daughter's name?"
"Charlee"
"Charlee, isn't that a boys name?"

Oh well, you can't win them all can you Pilar?????

The last story will probably embarrass my mother but all is fair when it comes to my blog. She and I were coming back from Chico the other day and it was very hot. There was a vehicle in front of us, two men driving a truck and a chocolate lab in the back of the truck. For those that don't know, my parents are really sensitive towards animals. My mother thought that it was inappropriate that the dog was in the back on such a hot day and so this is what she screamed out of the window, "I would like you to sit your rectums on a hot slab of metal so that you can see how it feels!" Hysterical. Thanks for being such an activist mother!

Last but not least. I have a question. Angelee stated at the shower that she is funnier than me. Is this true???

Guess Their Can't Be 2 Princesses in the House

First off I am taking up donations for 2 different things, the first being to fix this blasted glove box. Don't get me wrong (especially if you happen to read this Tracie,) but I feel like I'm holding a child on my lap when I'm sitting in Michael's vehicle. Michael is very grateful for a car to now drive around in but I couldn't help but laugh when I got in and it sounded as though the car let a moan for help. Good thing the car can't talk, it probably would have told me its not a nigger and that it will not be obliged to cart around 2 chubby people around The Ville. The other thing that I am taking up a donation for is a nacho libre outfit for Pilar. If she and I are going to continue to wrestle I feel like she should be properly dressed.

Oh, how cute, its a child. Since everyone knows I eat little children I just wanted to show my next victim (and you just thought I wanted to photograph your pretty face Raeanne!) Michelle was in town for a few days, its been nice to see her. She is extremely entertaining, bless her soul for down grading a bit just to hang out with me. If you have not already read Angelee's blog you should know that Angelee is a 5 star entertainer. Seriously Pilar, I think you should take your comedy to Vegas and be an intermission act for Celine Dion. Unfortunately I found out the hard way that I shouldn't bring any cookies because everyone will just eat them, and I thought I was the chubby princess.

The other thing that I found out is that their cannot be 2 princesses in a house at the same time!! Everyone knows that I am the chubby princess but everyone may not know that Angelee is the princess of everything else. For some reason whenever I am around her I feel that Anglee is threatened by my good looks, charismatic personality, good natured kindness to the point that an unspoken violence bursts out of her. I don't know what to do to make this right with her except to continually throw her down so that she knows who the boss is. The picture on her blog that shows her on top of me is after I threw her down and pounded her 5 times but couldn't defeat her anymore due to excess laughter. You think that a person would come up with a different tactical plan if they keep losing but I don't think that its getting through to her. Its going to be ok Pilar, I love you anyway.
By the way, my camera's battery went dead and so I didn't get the proper footage, unfortunately!!!!!!

As The World Turns

This week I turned my face into a corner ashamed of myself for being so dependent upon modern day technology. At the moment I have to rely upon the dog & rice smelling library in Oroville. I hate this bloody place anyway, I feel like I have to spray a pesticide all over my body so that I don't expose myself to any type of hepatitis. Luckily Michael Meyer is working on Shane's computer so I will be able to keep on top of my blog or maybe I could just let it go for 4 months like some people but I'm not going to name any names.

Another thing I've learned while being in Oroville is that my family is under the delusion that my room is a storage unit. Maybe I should start charging them a monthly fee for all of the effort I'm exuding to heave my mammoth body over boxes & crates just to make it into my bed. The other problem is that my whole family is now moved back into my parents' home. At one point we used to all fit in there pretty comfortably but now I'm thinking that either the house has shrunk or 4 polar bears + all their crap can longer fit (I'm thinking its the first option.)

Lastly I want to talk about my love of yard sales. I'm not talking about just any yard sale, I'm talking about a yard sale at ...... well I was going to write it down but I made the mistake of letting my mom read it and she told me that I was being too mean (she obviously doesn't know me very well.) Anyway, I was disappointed because I had no camera to take a picture but it was fun rummaging through to see if I needed anything there. Everything was for free but everything looked like it had came from the city dump. Michael and I looked searched relentlessly for a turkey baster to send to Erica but to no avail (sorry Erica, I know that you would have enjoyed getting that in the mail.) I did find a baby car seat which I almost took in case I decided to breed a liter of monsters. Fun times!

Oroville or Bust

Here is beautiful Michelle getting ready for her play. Michelle is awesome, we had a lot of fun for a week since she was gracious enough to let me stay with her before I left for California. I didn't realize that I was going to become so educated while I was with her. I learned how to pronounce both of my names backwards, I learned about all of the great BBC films and last but not least, I learned how to say no when a dog wants to make out with you (but thanks for the offer Nadra!)

Well I packed all of my crap in the car and started the long drive home with Claudia (yes I named the car after Claudia Bendorf, she sold me the car.) I know that everyone thought that the car wouldn't make it but I didn't have a single problem with it so happy day for me. I have only been in Oroville for one day but already I am getting sentimental and definitely miss certain things about Utah which brings me to the purpose of my post.

10 Things I Miss About Utah
1. No, its not the snow!!!!!!!!!!!
2. Having the slight possibility of running into Jimmer Fredette so that I can proceed to make a fool out of myself.
3. Taking weekly walks with LaNell up to the Y (yes, weekly!)
4. My job, it really was a great job and I worked with awesome people.
5. Driving to Oroville with Sam so that we could discuss the inner workings of every single soul that is from Oroville.
6. Getting scared by Dan.
7. Good restaurants that are appealing to a chubby princess.
8. Watching the BYU Cougars dominate!
9. Going to the BYU library to read.
10. STROGANOFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Utah is great but being home is great to. Already I have come up with several blog title entries that include:
I'm only a part time friend
Do you want to hit that?
The grand majesty of Lou Holtz
Ghettorific
I'm taking up donations for the antler house
Nothing beats the service of Taco Bell
Gardening issues, everyone has them
My family IS crazy!

Good ol' Coach

With Father's Day coming up tomorrow I thought that I would say a few things about my old man. For those that know him know that he has what I like to call a "different personality." Don't get me wrong, he definitely has some nice qualities about himself but sometimes I do think that he undeniably crazy!!! I shouldn't complain that he is crazy because it has caused several entertaining experiences over the years. Here is a few of them:

One day my mother went shopping and took Shane & I with her so my father was alone with the dog at home. When we arrived back home we were walking up the sidewalk with groceries in our hands and all of a sudden my father opens the door with a look of sheer panic on his face. We all noticed and stopped wondering what the problem was. Coach looked at my mom and said, "don't worry Nancy, I got the fire under control." Of course my mother is moving in a quick like fashion to the inside of the house to find that the microwave was burnt to a crisp on the inside. Luckily my father had put out the flames before we had gotten there. My mother says, "Ken, what were you cooking in the microwave?" "Just baking a potato." "How long did you cook the potato for Ken?" "Just around 35 minutes, isn't that how long you are supposed to cook it for?" 35 minutes!!!!One potato, 35 minutes!! Nice job Coach! Needless to say we got a new microwave that day. :)

I know that a lot of people have heard this story but its one of my personal favorites so I will share it again. For those that don't know, my father is a retired teacher, he also coached football and basketball. When I came home from my mission, my parents were standing there waiting for me. My father isn't a real affectionate person but he came to me and put his arm around me. Keep in mind I hadn't seen the man in 18 months so you think he would say something like, "I'm so happy to see you or glad that you are home." Nope nothing like that was said, instead the first thing he said to me was, "I'm proud of you, you can call me coach now." Why does that still make me laugh?? So now I call him coach, the funny thing about it is that I think he likes hearing that more than dad or father :)

Last story. Shane and I like to play jokes on the old man because we usually get a rise out of him, his reactions meet our expectations. My dad had come into the house, he had just gotten back from the store and had purchased some snack pack tapioca pudding. I think that he was craving it so he wanted to wait for it to get cold so he went outside to do some yard work. Well, tapioca sounded good to Shane & I and so we polished off the entire 8 pack of it. Don't worry, we kept the carton containers, put them back in the fridge with a post it note attached to it that said, "thanks sucker!" Well you can imagine the rest of it. When my father walked in to eat his pudding Shane & I were very quiet and then all of a sudden we hear, "you ate the whole bloomin' thing!" :) Good times.

One of the best memories I have with my father is going to a Kings vs. Suns game at the Arco Arena. I had bought court side seats for his Christmas present. He loves Steve Nash and enjoyed watching the game in such close proximity to the players. We had a fun time. Good times with the Coach.