Oroville or Bust

Here is beautiful Michelle getting ready for her play. Michelle is awesome, we had a lot of fun for a week since she was gracious enough to let me stay with her before I left for California. I didn't realize that I was going to become so educated while I was with her. I learned how to pronounce both of my names backwards, I learned about all of the great BBC films and last but not least, I learned how to say no when a dog wants to make out with you (but thanks for the offer Nadra!)

Well I packed all of my crap in the car and started the long drive home with Claudia (yes I named the car after Claudia Bendorf, she sold me the car.) I know that everyone thought that the car wouldn't make it but I didn't have a single problem with it so happy day for me. I have only been in Oroville for one day but already I am getting sentimental and definitely miss certain things about Utah which brings me to the purpose of my post.

10 Things I Miss About Utah
1. No, its not the snow!!!!!!!!!!!
2. Having the slight possibility of running into Jimmer Fredette so that I can proceed to make a fool out of myself.
3. Taking weekly walks with LaNell up to the Y (yes, weekly!)
4. My job, it really was a great job and I worked with awesome people.
5. Driving to Oroville with Sam so that we could discuss the inner workings of every single soul that is from Oroville.
6. Getting scared by Dan.
7. Good restaurants that are appealing to a chubby princess.
8. Watching the BYU Cougars dominate!
9. Going to the BYU library to read.
10. STROGANOFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Utah is great but being home is great to. Already I have come up with several blog title entries that include:
I'm only a part time friend
Do you want to hit that?
The grand majesty of Lou Holtz
Ghettorific
I'm taking up donations for the antler house
Nothing beats the service of Taco Bell
Gardening issues, everyone has them
My family IS crazy!

Good ol' Coach

With Father's Day coming up tomorrow I thought that I would say a few things about my old man. For those that know him know that he has what I like to call a "different personality." Don't get me wrong, he definitely has some nice qualities about himself but sometimes I do think that he undeniably crazy!!! I shouldn't complain that he is crazy because it has caused several entertaining experiences over the years. Here is a few of them:

One day my mother went shopping and took Shane & I with her so my father was alone with the dog at home. When we arrived back home we were walking up the sidewalk with groceries in our hands and all of a sudden my father opens the door with a look of sheer panic on his face. We all noticed and stopped wondering what the problem was. Coach looked at my mom and said, "don't worry Nancy, I got the fire under control." Of course my mother is moving in a quick like fashion to the inside of the house to find that the microwave was burnt to a crisp on the inside. Luckily my father had put out the flames before we had gotten there. My mother says, "Ken, what were you cooking in the microwave?" "Just baking a potato." "How long did you cook the potato for Ken?" "Just around 35 minutes, isn't that how long you are supposed to cook it for?" 35 minutes!!!!One potato, 35 minutes!! Nice job Coach! Needless to say we got a new microwave that day. :)

I know that a lot of people have heard this story but its one of my personal favorites so I will share it again. For those that don't know, my father is a retired teacher, he also coached football and basketball. When I came home from my mission, my parents were standing there waiting for me. My father isn't a real affectionate person but he came to me and put his arm around me. Keep in mind I hadn't seen the man in 18 months so you think he would say something like, "I'm so happy to see you or glad that you are home." Nope nothing like that was said, instead the first thing he said to me was, "I'm proud of you, you can call me coach now." Why does that still make me laugh?? So now I call him coach, the funny thing about it is that I think he likes hearing that more than dad or father :)

Last story. Shane and I like to play jokes on the old man because we usually get a rise out of him, his reactions meet our expectations. My dad had come into the house, he had just gotten back from the store and had purchased some snack pack tapioca pudding. I think that he was craving it so he wanted to wait for it to get cold so he went outside to do some yard work. Well, tapioca sounded good to Shane & I and so we polished off the entire 8 pack of it. Don't worry, we kept the carton containers, put them back in the fridge with a post it note attached to it that said, "thanks sucker!" Well you can imagine the rest of it. When my father walked in to eat his pudding Shane & I were very quiet and then all of a sudden we hear, "you ate the whole bloomin' thing!" :) Good times.

One of the best memories I have with my father is going to a Kings vs. Suns game at the Arco Arena. I had bought court side seats for his Christmas present. He loves Steve Nash and enjoyed watching the game in such close proximity to the players. We had a fun time. Good times with the Coach.

This Will Be A Night That Is Hard To Forget!

Well well, here we go. I love these weekly assault rituals that I provide for everyone on my blog which makes me think, "everyone knows that if they do something ridiculous or funny enough I will surely post about it so why do people invite me to places?" I guess some people are just nice, which I'll be honest, I don't understand that kind of behavior.

Here is a case of some people trying to be nice but ended up being very entertaining as well so I want to personally thank the Nettesheim family, Nellers and Joelie for an entertaining evening.

We kind of had a little going away party because I am leaving Utah to move home to Oroville (you know, home of the golden teeth.) I know that I have talked about Ben's stroganoff before but I must say that if Ben was a person comparable to the wicked witch on Hansel & Gretal and made a house of stroganoff to lure little greedy chubby kids there, he would have made a meal out of me a long time ago. Nothing can stop me from showing up at Jana & Ben's if they say they are making stroganoff. The food was good, thank you so much!!

Don't ask me what Ben & Joel are doing ( I guess they are guarding their women. One might ask if LaNell is Joel's woman, I think that they would be a cute couple. They both like to hike, play sports, talk about how wonderful they are at sports and criticize fat people; that sounds like a match made in heaven to me.)

Here is Cali's reaction to me after LaNell told her I eat children. She is sure cute!

Here is a funny story that nobody will believe. I tend to have my favorites and Packer happens to be one of them when he isn't PMSing. I love to play with Packer. I was sitting on the couch and throwing Packer around. Master Brown decides that she would be more entertaining and so she told Packer to come to her so that she could play with him. I was thrilled when I heard Packer's response, "NO!" Thanks Packer, you made my day!

Here is Brewer. I'm going to miss this cute dog. He loves getting massages from me therefore I love giving them to him.

Finally, here is the grand finale. This is when it gets a little out of control.

For some reason the subject of musicals come up and then the conversation turns to Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. This show is ridiculous, if you have been able to avoid it thus far in your life, I salute you! Who even owns this show, oh wait a minute, Jana & Ben do. While Ben was popping in the video I offered to give everyone a shoulder rub. The Brownie Monster can't just accept a shoulder rub, she had to ask for a butt rub. Here is the following dialog:

Mikila "you don't have a butt"

LaNell "I know, can I have some of yours Jana?"

Ben "I'm not giving up any of MY wife's butt, I had to pay for that transplant!"

Before that conversation there was another butt conversation which went like this:

Jana "I love a big booty."

Ben "I KNOW you do!"

I would like to continue but the vulgarity is just too much for me and I want this to be a PG rated blog, not PG -13. I also found out that LaNell's favorite song to sing right after she says her prayer at night is Bless Your Beautiful Hide from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. Supposedly she thinks that this will draw a man to her. I also found out that there is such a thing as "bedroom voice." I didn't know exactly what that meant and so I asked Jana to demonstrate it for me, she all of a sudden became gun shy, I guess I will just have to keep on wondering.

I did have fun. Thanks you guys. I think I will close with my favorite line from the seven brides movie: "Nice night for a coon hunt!"

Here We Go Again

Yes I do realize that I have been posting frequently but today I am bored out of my mind since I am sitting at home with strep throat, yes, strep throat folks. Some of you will recall that I had this a month ago so what in the world am I doing with it again. It might possibly have something to do with my soda intake + no sleep lifestyle + coming in contact with a lot of people at the work place. No matter, I broke down and went to the doctor and am now drugged up. The funny thing about strep throat is that several people have commented, "you have that again, maybe you shouldn't make out with so many different men so much." What in the world is that supposed to mean? Its true that I wouldn't mind a random make out session with a guy if I thought I would never see them again but I just don't walk around and ask for this form of entertainment. I probably would be happier about this confounded sickness if I had got it from some hot guy which brings me to the point of this post.

Top 10 Guys I Would Love to Get Strep Throat From:

Dwayne Wade

Naveen Andrews

LeBron James

David Beckham

Collin Ferrell

Brad Pitt

Reggie Bush

Robert Pattinson

Jimmer Fredette
and Terrence Howard ( I couldn't upload his picture for some reason)

Let Her Ride

"The Blind Leading the Blind!"

Everyone knows this term and I didn't know until last night that Erica Hancock and I were both blind (its amazing that we have been able to cover the secret up for so long!) This is what Than said about us when Erica told him that she was teaching me how to play bridge.

I'm on here to demand an explanation! Am I really that slow in picking up how to play games or is Than just jealous that both Erica and I could demolish him in a game of nertz?

Despite the verbal bashing I received I enjoyed myself immensely. Erica is one of the few people that will play nertz with me and so we played two rounds. It was only supposed to be one round but Erica thought it was just luck that I won the first time so I had to demonstrate my cat like speed and reflexes to her a second time :) . Its ok Erica, you should feel privileged that I will even play with you, I have been told that I'm a nertz snob :) !!

After that she showed me how to play bridge. Researching the game I've realized that it is an old rich lady game, kind of funny. I love playing it, even though I am horrible at math and poor Erica had to be patient with me. The funny thing about this is the fact that at certain times its appropriate to use the term ( lets be honest, I can't even remember now even though I wrote it down.) Instead I conjured up let her ride and kept saying that even though Erica told me the proper term over and over again. It was a joke by the end of the night, but my bloody heck, its seriously bugging me that I still can't remember the proper term.

Thanks for being patient with the mentally retarded + blind girl Erica, I enjoyed myself and I think you are a great teacher! :)

Meet My Friend, His Name is Food

I thought that I would start out with a nice little poem by Shell Silverstein:
"If I could only see the scale, I know that
it would state; that I've lost some inches, maybe pounds
or even tons of weight.
You'd better eat some pancakes
your looking as skinny as a
rail. I know that's what the scale would say, If I could only
see the scale."
I have greatly appreciated the gifts that people have given to me for my birthday but my favorite present has been a gift certificate to Tucanos. If you haven't been to Tucanos let me just tell you that it is a chubby girls paradise! They have all you can eat Brazilian food, its so blasted good!!!!!! Dan was kind enough to come with me. I forgot to bring my camera in and so I couldn't take a picture of all the bones on our plates. I do have to admit that I felt bad for not getting a plate to go and sending it to Angelo who has been craving Brazilian food but we all know Oroville, probably 1/2 the town doesn't even know how to spell Brazil let alone knowing that these types of resteraunts exist. Dan is one of my favorite people to eat with, he has great taste in food. We thought about inviting LaNell but a skinny person has a hard time appreciating Tucanos, we knew that she would just complain about the cost and annoy us both :).

Even though my birthday was in May I haven't been able to use this coupon until now because of my nomad instincts to travel home every other weekend. This weekend it felt weird that I was staying in town. I think I need to learn how to calm down :) !!

Happy Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a glorious day for me (not to mention BYU haha!) Yesterday BYU signed up the nations #1 ranked quarterback Jake Heapes. They also signed up Ross Apo (wide receiver)and Zach Stout(middle linebacker) who are also top ranked. Unfortunately these young men are about to start their senior year of high school and so we won't see them for 2 more years but the anticipation has me doing jumping jacks!!!!!!!!!!! (Yes, you can all come to the hospital to visit me, my body isn't used to such activities) Hopefully we don't have another Ben Olson situation, if we do I hope that the filthy Jews get their legs broken for some other school!

Stout, Apo, Heapes
Yes there is another plus to this!! Everyone knows I like the dark chocolate!!! Is it wrong that I think someone who is 11 years younger than me is hot??? These guys are amazing, they could have gone to any BCS school hailed as Gods and instead they chose BYU, in my book they get a gold star for life! When is Max Hall going to be done anyway?? I'm so sick of that bloody elf looking ego maniac that a change in the roster has excited me abundantly. Good luck to these
young men, have I mentioned that I'm very excited ???? :)